Compliance Is Not the Same as Living

Lately, I’ve been noticing a recurring pattern in posts and conversations on Facebook that promote ideas such as “obedience in 28 days” or frame visible compliance as a sign that a dog is settled and well-behaved. Watching this pattern emerge has led me to reflect on what we may be observing on the surface, what might be happening internally for the dog, and how this shapes the relationship between human and dog. From that reflection, this short article emerged.

As Turid reminds us, “Life is no obedience exercise; it is a way of living together.”

Dogs can appear settled, but the body remembers what the mind does not: tension, vigilance, or preparation for harm. Calm or still behaviour is not the same as safety or wellbeing. Nervous systems on alert can mimic “good behaviour” without reflecting true comfort or connection.

Training approachesEven kind approaches — food, praise, or structured activities — can become restrictive if there is no real choice or control over their own lives. When access to something important depends on performing a specific behaviour, nervous systems may respond as if under pressure. Dogs may appear to comply, or they may shut down, freeze, or withdraw — all of which emerge from a nervous system under stress. In some cases, especially with competition or sport dogs, apparent compliance can mask learned helplessness: they have learned they cannot influence outcomes and may have given up expressing their own needs or making choices. Compliance in this context is not a sign of comfort or ease, and shutdown or withdrawal is not misbehaviour; both are responses to pressure. Repeating instructions, hurrying interactions, or insisting on immediate compliance can push them further into survival mode, reinforcing stress rather than supporting self-regulation.

Food can be particularly compelling because it is tied to survival instinct. Fearful dogs may be guided into spaces they perceive as threatening simply by following a treat. Once there, the nervous system registers danger, and the initial “compliance” can give way to tension, fear, freezing, flight or fight— all responses that signal the opposite of safety. Conversely, dogs may refuse food not out of stubbornness, but because stress has overwhelmed their ability to process or engage. Even “positive” incentives can create pressure when dogs have no real choice or control in how they respond.

Living together requires time, space, genuine agency, and control over their own lives. Pauses, options, and slow rhythms allow behaviour to emerge naturally, rather than being shaped under pressure. Choice and control are not about “permission” or human consent; they support nervous systems to feel safe enough to engage freely1. Behaviour that arises from safety is relaxed, present, exploratory, and adaptive to their environment.

Supporting agency and control requires observation, patience, and an awareness that even well-intentioned actions — gestures, proximity, structured activities — can feel restrictive if dogs have no meaningful options. By standing back, slowing down, and truly observing, we allow dogs to show us who they are and how they navigate the world, rather than imposing who we expect them to be. In doing so, we move from compliance to living, allowing dogs to participate fully in life on their own terms.

This is rooted in the ethics of the PDTE, where love, relationship, safety, choice, and agency are central. Behaviour is not something to be produced or demanded, but emerges naturally when dogs feel safe, confident, and curious — AND are truly listened to — allowing them to express themselves fully.

This is not training; it is living together — It is a way of life, for life.

Marina Gates Fleming, TR IDTE

Happy and Relaxed Dogs

CR Belgium

January 2026

1 Note: There are rare occasions where immediate action may be necessary for a dog’s safety — for example, preventing them from entering a hazardous area, guiding them into a car to escape danger, or removing them from an unsafe surface such as hot pavement or ice. In these moments, the priority is protection, not choice or agency. Such interventions are exceptions and do not change the overall approach of supporting agency, safety, and living together.