When Observation Becomes Conversation

A recent post by equine behaviourist Nicky Ross of Horse Play stayed with me. Writing about horses, she reflected on the difference between simply watching a horse and being in genuine conversation with him/her. What struck me immediately was how deeply her words also apply to dogs.

Many of us begin by watching. We notice “behaviours”. Very naturally, as humans, we try to interpret them, manage them, prevent what worries us and encourage what we like. We react, guide, redirect, reassure and sometimes maybe unknowingly try to control outcomes because that is often what we have been taught to do. Over time, we become better at recognising patterns and anticipating familiar responses.

But conversation is something far deeper. Conversation means dogs know they are being heard. It means communication becomes two-way rather than something we simply direct at dogs. It means the subtle communications, the glance away, the pause, the sniffing, the softening of the body, the yawn, the hesitation, matter just as much as the louder signals that may come later. It means we are no longer simply observing from the outside, but participating in a genuine exchange.

And when communication is truly received, dogs often begin to feel safer. Safety is not only physical; it is emotional. It comes from discovering that communication works, that there is no need to escalate in order to be understood and that their quieter voices also matter.

As Turid has taught us, dogs keep things simple, yet as humans we bring something complicated into this process: our constant need to interpret. We so often need to explain, label, analyse, predict or decide what something “means” that we can stop truly observing what is actually there in front of us. Instead of seeing dogs’ communication for what it is in that moment, we may filter it through our expectations, past experiences, worries, frustrations or hopes.

Our own emotional state also becomes part of the conversation. If we are anxious, rushed, irritated, embarrassed, fearful or determined to achieve a particular outcome, dogs will often respond to that long before they respond to our words. We also talk far more than we realise. Often we are so busy thinking, speaking, explaining or anticipating what comes next that we are no longer fully present in the moment and therefore may not even notice what our own body language is communicating.

Communication is never one-way. This is why careful observation matters so much. Not simply “watching dogs”, but learning to notice patterns, context, emotional shifts and our own role within the interaction.

And when dogs discover that their quieter communications consistently land somewhere safe and meaningful, that they really are being heard, something changes. They often become softer, more expressive, more collaborative and more at ease in themselves because they no longer need to escalate to be understood.

But perhaps the greatest change happens within us. We become quieter. More curious. More willing to listen before reacting. We begin to understand that communication is not about control; it is about connection.

What Nicky wrote so beautifully about horses reminds us of something profoundly important across all species: true relationship begins when observation becomes conversation.

And when communication becomes genuinely two-way, when both humans and dogs feel heard and emotionally safe, something even deeper begins to grow. But that is for another article.

This way of living with dogs is rooted in the PDTE Code of Ethics. It is not about control or compliance, but about relationship, respect and sharing life with dogs as sentient beings.

This is not training; it is living together — It is a way of life, for life.

Marina Gates Fleming, TR IDTE

Happy and Relaxed Dogs

May 2026

References

What structured horse observation actually reveals and why most of us miss it by Nicky Ross of Horse Play.

Related reading from the PDTE Research Compendium

Verbeek, P. et al. (2024) — The Welfare of Dogs as an Aspect of the Human–Dog Bond Open access article

Torrance, J. (2023) — Exploring the Recognition of Dogs as Sentient Beings

Open access article