Beyond Conversation.

5 hours ago
3 min read

When Observation becomes conversation, when communication becomes genuinely two-way, when both humans and dogs feel heard and emotionally safe, something deeper begins to grow...

In my previous article, When Observation Becomes Conversation, I suggested that when communication becomes genuinely two-way, when both humans and dogs feel heard and emotionally safe, something deeper begins to grow.

We often talk about loving our dogs and many of us do so from the moment they enter our lives. But some things cannot be rushed. They grow through shared experiences, through living together and through learning about one another day by day.

Trust in each other takes time. Feeling safe with one another takes time. Learning to understand one another takes time. Perhaps that is where this next conversation begins. When communication becomes easier, when trust grows and when both individuals feel safe enough to be themselves, something changes. We begin to know one another in a different way. Not dogs in general. Not humans in general. But this dog and this human. Importantly, this is not a one-way process. We are learning about our dogs. They are learning about us.

Because we share our lives with dogs, our roles within the relationship are not always identical. At times our responsibilities require us to make decisions, to ask for cooperation or to help everyone move safely through a situation. How we do it matters. Small acknowledgements, a thank you, a hand signal, a moment of patience, remind us that communication remains two-way and that another individual is participating in the relationship.

Over time, there is less need to analyse every interaction. Communication becomes quieter. Familiarity grows. A shared history develops, built from countless ordinary moments.

And perhaps something else happens too. We begin to accept one another for who we are. Our dogs are not perfect and neither are we, something I say so very often. Neither my dogs nor I are perfect and I think that is exactly as it should be. Some days we are confident; some days we are not. Some days we are sociable; some days we need space. We all have preferences, strengths, vulnerabilities and ways of coping with the world around us.

As we come to know our dogs more deeply, they are also getting to know us. They see parts of our lives that many people never do. They are often present during our grief, our worries, our frustrations, our quiet moments and our joys. They see us at our best and sometimes at our worst, yet continue to share our lives without judgement. I wonder whether we are always quite so generous.

The more we know one another, the easier it becomes to make room for one another as we really are. Perhaps that is one of the gifts of a good relationship. Not changing who we are, but seeing one another a little more clearly. Not through grand gestures or dramatic moments, but through trust, safety, shared experiences and the quiet accumulation of understanding over time.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder whether this is also how friendship grows, even if at times it feels a little lopsided because our roles within the relationship are not the same.

Of course, living with dogs carries responsibilities. Humans inevitably make many decisions on their behalf and perhaps that is one reason some people hesitate to use the word friendship.

It is a fair point to consider. Yet friendship does not require two individuals to have identical roles. Perhaps what matters is that both have a voice, both influence one another and both are heard and respected.

So, is friendship the right word?

I believe that when two individuals, whatever their species, seek one another out, enjoy one another's company, feel safe together and come to know one another as they really are, it is difficult not to think of it in those terms.

As children, many of us would probably never have questioned whether a dog could be a friend. We simply experienced the relationship (I most certainly did). Perhaps as adults we have become too cautious with our language, more analytical and more concerned with definitions. Yet the relationship itself may not have changed nearly as much as we think.

Perhaps life is simply better together. Is that the simple answer?

Either way, this approach, rooted in the PDTE Code of Ethics, invites us to build relationships based on trust, communication, understanding and mutual respect, allowing both humans and dogs the freedom to be themselves.